So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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