How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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