Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is Oprah even human
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
