That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
