So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
