Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i now understand why vodka
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
