I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you never un-have a 4some
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
