I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
