Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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