they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
