What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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