i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
