Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
