Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
