Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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