everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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