just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
