i permit you to call me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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