did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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