shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
