Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
