then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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