actually, I'm a sock model
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
