I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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