Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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