Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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