i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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