He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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