its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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