i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
