no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
