Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
