I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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