did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
