He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
