she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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