You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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