she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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