then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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