There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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