i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
