well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
