Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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