I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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