Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
