So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
