yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize