The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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