Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
