Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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