I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
