4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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