I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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