you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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