Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How does one acquire holy water?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
