I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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