I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
