Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My feet surprised me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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