I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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