if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
