just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
