Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
