He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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