No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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