I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
