I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
