so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you will always have a special place in my vag
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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