Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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